Why I Hated My Body
Posted on 29. Oct, 2011 by matthew in Blog
As a teenager I was trapped in a body that I didn’t want. After a stint in a hospital with a number of scars marking my body, and a particularly long one down the front of my belly, I could no longer look at myself in front of the mirror. And, after a reaction to one of the drugs in the hospital I began to develop cysts that could be seen on my body when I went swimming.
Because of who I was at the time, it took me down. My self-esteem plummeted. You would not have seen me at the beach or the swimming pools, because I was just too ashamed of my body. I did not date for many years, who would want me? That was my attitude and it followed me on into later life.
Throughout my adult years I found it very difficult to believe that anyone could be attracted to me. But, that was not what happened. I found that women were attracted to me, because I had developed into a tall and attractive person ( their words not mine, I couldn’t accept that for the longest time ). It didn’t help though, because my mind still feared the rejection that I would receive once they saw me intimately.
It took the work of people like Louise Hay to shake me out of it. Her underlying message to me was that I needed to begin loving every inch of my body right now in order for that love to grow. I couldn’t wait until somebody else loved the scars, I needed to love them myself.
So what did I do that helped me out along the way? Instead of pitying myself for the body that I had been given, I began to spend my shower time in gratitude for it. Gratitude for the scars. Gratitude for all the parts of my body that had at one time received my hatred. It was a daily practice, and still is. I did not believe it straight away, self-defeating thoughts would percolate up from my subconscious mind, but through the power of my will I began to strengthen the self-affirming thoughts. Now this is what I help keep others accountable to as their self-talk coach.
I have begun dating again recently, feeling that I am getting ever closer to a knowingness of myself and who I would want to be with in life. For every rejection from others that I receive it becomes a reminder to me to exclaim “I love and approve of myself”.
Yoga helps us to live within this body and enjoy it, and provides us with the means with which we can enjoy with detachment. Let us not fear loving our body for fear of getting attached to it. Let us love the source that created our bodies, whatever you may call that.
You are a marvellous creation, and your body has been divinely created for this lifetime. You are here to enjoy all that our earth provides while claiming your spiritual beingness more every day. Shame and guilt bind us ever more to the body, so let us begin to love every inch of our body so that we can be free from any bondage to the human body.
In every moment that you catch yourself shaming yourself with a negative thought about your body, arrest it with a simple “Thank you”. Your ego is powerless against it. Then picture or look at that body part and send it love, taking deep diaphragmatic breaths and bringing the thoughts of that body part into the centre of your heart space. Do this daily until you care not what others think, but only what you think, of your body.
You are beautiful and divine creation, and seeing yourself any other way has allowed the shallow thoughts of the superficial side of society to win the day. You are more powerful than that.
