“The definition of success is, you can lose everything, and truly be happy with it.”
- Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos, Author of “Delivering Happiness”
We were fed all kinds of images of what success should look like, in all areas of our life. Success in relationships “should” look like this. In order to be considered successful in fitness you “should” look like this. And the corker for many, you are successful when you have x dollars in the bank ( x being a rather larger number than your current status ).
If success has been defined for you a certain way, and after years of pursuing it, you have not achieved it, it can soon begin to feel like failure. You may feel like you are not good enough and never will be. My Gratitude Dance video, and work as a GratiDude has touched and inspired lives around the world, I hear about it often. We did not make the money in that venture that we had anticipated making, and I for one took on feelings of shame of the failure of it for some time afterwards. You may want to be knocking me over the head right now, so was I. That video has been viewed over 450,000 times on youtube, played at events around North America regularly, been featured on Good Morning America, and lead to speaking opportunities around North America. But, because we struggled financially, some part of me chose to focus more on the “failures” than on the lives that it changed and allowing myself to feel successful in any way.
Remember, that what is important in manifesting our desires, is not what the outer “reality” is ( which we do need to accept before we can make changes), but how we feel about it. Someone else may have been in the same position as me and felt on top of the world. Due to my conditioning about money, picked up along the way from society, I did not feel like a success. That is when I made up my mind to change my idea of success. And when I did, I changed how I felt. When we feel successful, we attract more things that make us feel successful. Even in failed relationships, I am able to see successes. Sure, I take the valuable lessons from the failures, but sometimes, what can look like a failure to outsiders looking in, can be a great success to you. A relationship that falls apart because you successfully stand up for the self-respect you desire, can break down and look like a failure to others. But from your perspective it could feel like a great success. It all comes down to perspective.
When we place very high expectations upon feeling successful, we will not feel successful unless that condition is met. In the time it has taken me to repay large debts over the last few years, I have acknowledged the many successes along the way, even though there are still steps to be taken. I am pretty damn happy about the progress.
So, those areas of your life where you are feeling like a failure, take another look. What successes have you experienced in that area? List them all off, take the time to think about it. It doesn’t matter how big or small, because what we focus on expands. We are working on the conditioning of the muscles that get you to look at successes in your life, to build a habit. Now, looking at that list, how do you feel? Are you allowing yourself to embrace some of those successes? Are you able to see more successes than failures when you look at it from this perspective? If you experience resistance to allowing yourself to feel successful
How about making this your affirmation of the week. “I am successful!” Every day take 5 minutes to review the successes you have achieved that day. And every failure you have experienced, seek out the gift. Create a journal and fill it in daily.
“Success should be measured by the yardstick of happiness; by your ability to remain in peaceful harmony with cosmic laws.”
If you still refuse to see yourself as successful, then we need to have a chat. Grail Quest Coaching is all about helping you to formulate a healthy vision of success from the outset, so that you can pursue and build upon them daily, to create a life and self that you feel happy about. Contact me at email@example.com for a free coaching session.